I remember when I was pregnant with Porter and I became strangely obsessed with reading about autism ( yep, that is crazy but true). I remember thinking how hard it would be to have a child with autism and I remember asking God to spare me from such an outcome. I'm ashamed to write that, but it is my truth. Even now, if you google "autism" you can still find definitions that include words like " devastating developmental disorder".
Devastating? Really?
I can't speak for all parents of children with autism, because it is different for each and every one of us. And I'm not saying that there are not days that are beyond HARD or that there are not times that watching him trying to communicate breaks my heart in a way I never thought possible. And there are still days that I can be overcome with grief for the boy he could be without autism....
But mostly, I am grateful.
I am grateful for this beautiful boy that has simply changed my life in the most beautiful, unexpected way.
Porter has taught me so much about life that I never would have learned if not for him being who he is, ALL of him. He has a constant light that shines around him. Just spend a few minutes with him, you'll see what I mean. He takes the greatest joy out of the most simple things. A plum, a toy train, a swing, a rubber Goofy doll. These are the things that light up his day.
He continues to remind me to celebrate the small victories in life. They really are the ones that matter. I have found overwhelming feelings of gratitude in the most unexpected places. Like just the other day when Porter said "hi" without me prompting him. It's hard to put into words the joy moments like that give me, joy I would not know if not for the struggles we have faced.
And this boy, he makes me laugh all the time. Like yesterday, he was in the tub and very carefully trying to put the bubbles back into the baby wash bottle. They kept popping , but he didn't give up....he must have tried with at least 25 bubbles before he simply moved on to something else.
And every now and then he does something so wonderfully odd...like this.
Yes, that is play-doh on top of his nachos. But it's the blankie that kills me, he has it draped around his head with a little piece stuck in his mouth that he chews on as he goes about his "work" of piling things on his plate:)
So very UNtypical. That's my boy:)
(p.s. I know his blankie looks disgusting, but I swear it's clean!)
I could write all day about how much I love this amazing kid and how much he has taught me about life. So I guess my point is, I don't think his autism is "devastating" at all...
I think he is perfectly perfect just as he is.
Do I want him to be able to communicate better? Of course!
Do I want him to have a friend to play and explore with as he grows up? Absolutely!
Do I want him to be able to play tag with his sister on a warm Spring day? I dream about it!
Do I want him to be able to have a job and some independence so I can leave this world knowing he will be okay? More than anything.
But do I want to change who he is? This beautiful, magnificient boy who dances to the beat of his own drum?
Never.
Happy World Autism Awareness Day!
