Ruby Doo turns 3!!

Last week our girl turned 3. We can't believe how much she has learned this past year. She continues to amaze us with everything she knows.

Ruby, someday when you read this I want you to know that you were born to be great. If ever you doubt what you are capable of,  I want you to know that there isn't a day that goes by that your father and I don't look at each other and say " Ok, this kid is wicked smart ( my friend Catho will say that in the best Boston accent:). You not only have the brains, but you're strong too. A born leader. You are fearless in a way that makes my heart skip a beat, but makes me beam with pride at the same time.

And then there's your heart.

So pure and beautiful it has brought me to tears on many occasions. You are still learning how to share with him, BUT I see your heart best when you are interacting with Porter, "Good Job Portie" you will often say and your face lights up with genuine honest to goodness love. 

So on your birthday ( okay, on this day more than a week after your birthday) we wanted to tell you how very much joy you have brought to our lives. You are growing up so fast and we are so proud of you.

We celebrated your birthday with family. You had a wonderful time!

Here are a few highlights:

Here you are with Nana and Pepe. You LOVED your cake..I think you have a bit of a sweet tooth, not sure where you get that from:)

Here you are with your cousin Kenzie, you remind me of her when she was little in many ways, " I can do it myself " was one of her favorite things to say also!

Your Great Grammy and Great Aunt Gail came to celebrate with you too! 

There were many others too but turns out I'm not much of a photographer, the rest are pretty blurry. 

You had a great time opening all of your presents!

 

                    Thank you so very much to everyone who came and shared in Ruby's big day! xoxox

Methylation and B12

I started writing this blog weeks ago and finally finished it today. As most of you know, Porter has been seeing a doctor in Halifax who specializes in autism. His name is Dr. Rade and he really knows his stuff. One of the things he suggested was genetic testing for Porter. This was to see if Porter had any gene mutations that would impair his methylation system.  Not sure what that is? Me neither! Hang on and hopefully you will better understand in a minute.

We ordered the testing kit through https://www.23andme.com/ and then had the fun task of collecting Porter's spit...yes, SPit.  Because our boy will not spit on his own, I had to take a sponge that looked much like a q-tip and swipe the inside of his cheek and then squeeze that spit into a vial until we filled it to the line marked. That was fun. Actually, he did pretty good considering I chased him around for an hour and stuck that sponge in his mouth every 30 seconds. I tell you, when I reached that magic line , I felt like I had really accomplished something! 

We sent the kit off in the mail and waited patiently for the results. As it turns out, Porter has several gene mutations that could play a huge role in his autism. To be clear, this isn't the direct cause of his autism , but more what has made him vulnerable by impairing his methylation system. Basically, if you have an impaired methylation system you are far more vulnerable to environmental toxins. 

Here are the results, with Dr. Rade's notes. The ones that have a -/+ sign beside them indicate a gene mutation.

So to understand why this is such a big deal, it is important to know why methylation is so important. 

Methylation is defined as:

" the addition of a methyl group to a cytosine residue on double-stranded DNA , a process which plays a major role in gene expression and preventing restriction endonucleases from cutting DNA at their recognition sites. "

SO now that that is 100% clear, let's move on...hahaha... just kidding, the next paragraph explains its importance to the nervous system and it makes it a little clearer...although I am kicking myself for talking so much during biology class:)

 

"For one, our nervous system is intimately linked with the methylation process so that nerve function is highly dependent on proper methylation. You may have all the messengers your body requires yet if the proteins making each nerve's insulation are not methylated, you won't have proper communication between the nerves. This is similar to having frayed electrical cords with highly vulnerable, exposed wires and is the impetus for many of the symptoms of autism, CFS and MS. "

 

Methylation is responsible for:

• RNA and DNA (genetic material responsible for every function in the body)
• Immune system regulation
• Detoxification of heavy metals and other harmful substances
• Making GLUTATHIONE (the body’s main detoxification enzyme responsible for removing mercury, lead, cadmium, arsenic, nickel, tin, aluminum and antimony)
• Production and function of proteins
• Regulating inflammation

"Dr. S. Jill James (who has recently received a NIH - National Institute of Health - grant for her research) has shown that children with ASD have impaired methylation and decreased levels of glutathione.  Supporting and/or repairing the underlying impairment and deficiency translates into increased social, cognitive and language development.

Dr. S. Jill James has also shown that children with ASD have 80% less glutathione in their cells and 90% have defects in their methylation.  This means that children with autism cannot effectively fuel the brain and detoxify heavy metals and other harmful substances from their system."
 

So now what? Well, the first step was to start giving him B12 supplements.

"The brain is the only part of the body that depends entirely on B12 to detoxify.  As the the brain is over-burdened with toxic substances, the “wheels” of methylation slow, severely impacting development."

"What are the benefits of MB12 treatment?  Enhancement in executive function:

• Awareness
• Cognition
• Appropriateness
• Eye contact
• Responsiveness
• Normalized behaviours and interaction

Promotion of speech and language:

• Spontaneous language
• More complex sentences
• Increased vocabulary

Improvements in socialization, understanding and expressing emotion:

• Initiation and interactive play
• Understanding and feeling emotions
• Affection and tolerance to touch

Undesired effects to B12 therapy are a good sign of treatment success.  They are not uncommon and include:  

• Hyperactivity
• Self Stimulating Behaviour
• Increased mouthing of objects
• Sleep disturbances – which can be managed with other treatments
• Aggression, hitting and biting - caused by frustration due to increased awareness 

*Side effects can be mild to severe and are considered transient which means they will pass as  treatment progresses*

MB12 is a treatment, not a cure.  However, many children using MB12 combined with other biomedical and non-biomedical therapies make incredible developmental gains and in a small percentage of children, have had their ASD label removed."
 

We noticed an improvement right away and right now we are only giving him Hydroxy B12 and folinic acid, which when combined with the B12 helps improve his glutathione levels. The next step will be to move to methyl B12 but his doctor wants to make sure his body can handle it properly, as there can be some undesirable side effects. There are so many benefits in using B12 and we have seen them already! We have noticed an improvement in his language and a huge increase in his effort to try to communicate..he is trying sooooo hard! We have also noticed a genuine increase in his interaction with us and his overall awareness has improved as well. When I try to explain how, it is hard, it's just something you have to be here to see...like for one small example, he has started objecting going to bed on some nights. Some might think that is a bad thing, but for us, we see that as our little boy coming out ...what 5 year old wants to go to bed at bedtime? 

Of course we have noticed the undesired effects also, which at first made me wonder if it was even worth it, but when I read the info. above , I realized that that means it is working!! 

So that is where we are right now...trying to slowly repair his methylation system and praying that it continues to help him be able to communicate with us better. I have a good feeling about this, I really do. I hope this has helped explain why we are trying the biomedical approach. I know there are people out there who probably think this is all a bunch of quackery, but to me, it is real genuine science. And real genuine hope.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

On a completely different note, just realized it is my Mom's birthday. She would have been 65. Hope you are celebrating big up there! Love you.

Porter starts Kindergarten and Broken Bones!

 

So it finally happened...our boy started Kindergarten! Every year in September I get a touch of "first day jitters".  But this year, I hardly slept a wink before that first day! And it took until lunch time before the knots untied in my stomach. This year my boy was starting school too.

Of course it went great, I knew it would:)

However, it just so happened that his first day was cut short. He had an appt in Charlottetown and had to leave before recess. The week before he had been climbing ( one of his most favorite things to do) on a play kitchen and fell. After a trip to the emergency room, and three X rays later, the diagnosis wasn't complete. They could see a line, but his elbow was also full of fluid so it was hard to tell for sure, could be a fracture OR a bad sprain. He went home with a half- cast and a sling with an appt. the following week to have it checked again. I couldn't have been prouder of the way he handled the whole visit. We were there for more than 6 hours all together, not to mention he had a broken bone!!  It is times like this when I realize how far we have come.

Luckily there was a sink in our waiting room. Our boy could watch water run all day long!

So the following week, on that very first day of school, Daddy picked him up right before recess and off they went to the Fracture Clinic to have it checked. Daddy said he was the bravest boy ! He left with this blue, waterproof, cast. He has to wear it for 3 weeks. He is handling it waaaay better than I would. Have I said how awesome this kid is?

So it has been a little over a week since that day. We are beyond proud of how well Porter is doing in his new big boy school! He has a great team of support, wonderful Educational Assistants and his autism consultant spent the first two days with him at his new school. How could it not go well?? He has had a few moments here and there, but haven't we all? He is making new friends, learning new things and I have no doubt in my mind that great things are going to happen. I can't wait.

Random Acts of Kindness

At the beginning of the summer I made a nice to-do list of all the things I wanted to accomplish this summer. I find myself making lots of lists lately, it's just my reality, if I don't mark it down, it doesn't get done. I read once that you have an 80% better chance of achieving your goals if you mark them down. Ok, now I'm babbling...it's what I do.

SO the list was really two lists, one for things I wanted to get done around the house and the other was a list of fun things I wanted to do this summer.

On that list was the carnival! For various reasons, we haven't been since Ruby was born..so I thought we should make it a point to get there this year. Well , I got to cross it off my list when I found out there wasn't going to be any carnival this year! Instead this year they had the "Lobster Festival", which when I think about it,  most certainly tops the carnival which let's face it, is sketchy at best!

So as part of the festival they had various activities going on in our big metropolis all week. Last Friday they had giant bouncy houses, a huge sandpit with castles made by Maurice Bernard (  very talented local artist ) and a big tent with live music all set up down at the boardwalk.

SO we thought, let's give it whirl! 

When we drove up and Porter caught sight of the castles, I thought he might flap right out of the car he was so excited. It was everything to hold him back until we got there.

Then the catch.

Line-ups.

Of course there HAS to be line-ups, I teach elementary school, I get it, if there were no line ups, well, I am quite aware of the chaos that would ensue. But my boy is not a fan of line ups, it's not so much the lining up, but more the WAITING! He hates it. I mean, he really hates it.

They were letting about 6-7 kids in at a time. But of course as soon as I let go of Porter's hand he darted in the castle before his turn. This kid is quick, quick I tell ya! So I send Mark in there to get him because I am wearing a dress and thought I'd spare the spectators of a front row view of my behind. So it took a few minutes but Mark gets him out and of course Porter took it very well ( yes, that's sarcasm). At this point Porter is having a mini meltdown and then the next 7 kids are allowed in, and Miss Ruby was in line, so she got to go in.

So now Porter is crying and trying to break free of our grasp so he can go in too...but it's not his turn. He took his turn when it actually wasn't his turn :)

And then a random act of kindness.

An old friend that I went to school with was there with her 4 beautiful children. She offered to have her son come out so that Porter could go in.  I didn't let her do that of course, but I tell you, her kindness won't be forgotten.  And she didn't make me feel like it was because Porter had autism either, she said " well, I just thought he might like to go in with Ruby".  I wanted to hug her. I wanted to say thank you..thank you for not looking away, or silently judging me, or pitying me.

We didn't stay much longer, we went over to the sand where I had a small panic attack as I watched Porter running over the hills,  steps away from destroying all of Maurice Bernard's amazing sand castle art! Nooooooo!  Thank God I caught him in time!

And that's when we decided to go home :)

We gave it a whirl!

So old friend, thank you for offering to help. It meant so very much to me. I couldn't say this to you that day because I would have cried, but I thought you should know.

Treasured Memories

Yesterday marked the second anniversary of my Dad's passing. I said each year that I would share a memory...I guess it's my way of keeping him alive. Porter and Ruby will likely not remember their Grampy, but this way, they may feel they know him in some way.

So about 10 years ago Lisa and I were visiting Dad at his apartment.  I'm not sure how we came across it, but we found a binder filled with letters, cards and drawings that Lisa and I had sent him throughout our childhood. This binder stayed with Dad for more than 30 years. I remember how it touched me. And now, what a treasure indeed.

There were several letters and cards, but here are a couple of my favorites:

I thought I was pretty clever using pictures for words and saying " see if you can figure this out"...haha. That sentence was actually written in silver marker, remember those markers that you used to have to shake before they would work? What ever happened to those?


And there were lots of letters like this one written Feb 4th, 1986.  I would have been 10 years old:

Unless you have a magnifying glass, you probably can't read that. So let me share ( I'll keep the spelling mistakes in so it is completely authentic):

"Dear Dad,

I usually start with "hi, how are you, fine I hope" so I won't because I think that is getting boring. So I'll start with How's the weather? Are's is ok I guess. It's always cold in the morning when I walk to school, but I'm usually warm because I'm dressed warm. Well I hope you are doing o.k. I know you are not going to like what I'm saying next but I'm just trying to start a conversation. The kittens are doing great, there both lying on the tub chair licking each other. ( This is an inside joke because my Dad hated cats, although I think he secretly liked them:)  My room stays pretty neat now.  School is doing fine. Nanny MacNeill is doing fine too. I'm in a play tomorrow called Cinderella, it's in french. I'm a stupid stepsister but I do have alot of lines. Well I'm absentminded of what to say so I better go. I used absentminded because I just learned it in school.

See ya soon

Love always, Raelene

I added " Don't mind my messy writing" and lots of hugs and kisses on the bottom:)


Isn't that a hoot? Every now and then I take the binder out and read through the letters and every single time, it fills my heart in a way I can't describe.

Thank you Dad.

xoxoxo

Project Lifesaver

Well, we finally did it.  We've been talking for months about getting Porter a GPS tracking bracelet through Project Lifesaver, but today we actually did it.  Those of you close to me probably remember Avonte Oquendo, the boy with autism from New York who tragically went missing from his school back in October. His body was later found  ( after more than a 3 month search ) along the East River.

It has been since then that we looked into Project Lifesaver. We knew Porter would not be a big fan of wearing this bracelet , so the original plan was to slowly get him used to the idea of wearing it by first wearing a plastic watch or bracelet and letting him keep it on longer and longer each day.  We went through quite a few different possibilities and of course he kept taking them off. So we basically decided that we should just go ahead and put it on.

If you're wondering what it looks like or how it works, I've taken the next paragraph directly from the website. ( if you want to learn more, click here . )

How it works

"Citizens enrolled in Project Lifesaver wear a small personal transmitter around the wrist or ankle that emits an individualized tracking signal. If an enrolled client goes missing, the caregiver notifies their local Project Lifesaver agency, and a trained emergency team responds to the wanderer’s area. Most who wander are found within a few miles from home, and search times have been reduced from hours and days to minutes. Recovery times for PLI clients average 30 minutes — 95% less time than standard operations."

I have been dreading putting in on Porter because this is a boy who has a lot of sensory issues and would gladly be naked 100% of the day because even his clothes drive him crazy! So we have been putting it off. Then on Canada Day we went to visit family at Marco Polo Land. It is like Disney Land for kids really, so much to do there! Anyway, we were at the park and Porter was having a blast running up and down the slide and then it happened. We turned our back for less than 5 seconds and he was gone. It was probably no longer than 30 seconds until we spotted him running like the wind, he had crossed one of the roads, passed a row of campers and was running down a hill through the trees. Thank you Lord.

So that was it. I called the next day.

So we had two special guests come see us today. Top shelf people. Porter wasn't in a great mood to begin with, but we gave him a popsicle and they put it on him while he was distracted. Nothing. He sat and ate his popsicle and maybe glanced at it once. Seriously???

But when the popsicle was gone he did get a little upset. We decided not to give him too much time to think about it. It was Ruby's nap time, so Mark took him for a drive. They went to the park, Wendy's for fries outside on the picnic table and then a walk on the boardwalk. Doesn't get much better than that! haha Later when Ruby woke up, we took a drive to Gateway Village and played at that park for awhile. He hasn't had a lot of time to really think about it, but he has taken our hand a few times today and put it on the bracelet. This means " take it off mom and dad!!!". I keep telling him that this is his special safety bracelet that stays on ( it literally has to be cut off to remove it).  Then at bedtime he got a little more upset and tugged at it for a couple minutes, but that's it. I'm not kidding myself that this is it, but so far, it's going a gazillion times better than I thought it would!

We may be frequenting many parks this week:)  Here are a few pics from today.

The boy loves a swing!

FRIES!!

Classic Porter! 

Close up of his new hardware!

I hope and pray that we will NEVER have to use it and it certainly isn't going to protect him from all of the potential dangers he could face, but it is a little more peace of mind.

Curly Sue!

Lately Miss Ruby has been cracking us up with the funny things she is saying...this week I thought I might eat her when she came out with this one morning while shaking her head:

" Mommy look...my hair....it wiggles!"

Yes that's right our girl is finally getting some hair. I've started to call her " Curly Sue" on occasion.


You may recall how much hair she had last summer...

My what a difference a year makes....check out her curly locks now!

I think it may almost be time for a trip to Auntie Lisa's hair shop!

Porter turns 5!!!

Just writing that title blows my mind. How can my boy be 5??  Wow, I remember so many people telling me that once you have kids time will go by so fast. Turns out, they're right. It seems like just yesterday we were bringing him home from the hospital. Sigh.

I often find myself like most parents wishing time would slow down. But lately, this feeling has been overwhelming. Last week we took Porter to Kindergarten night and never have I wanted to step into a time machine more than at that moment.

He's not ready. I'm not ready.

I remember when we first got Porter's autism diagnosis, I thought .... well he is still only 2, we can work really hard and maybe he will catch up by the time he gets to Kindergarten.... you read these stories all the time. They give you hope and punch you in the gut at the same time.

But I'm learning. I'm learning not to compare. It  really is never a good idea in general. But when you have a child with special needs, it can be extra hard. You see all the other kids and everything they are doing and a familiar lump creeps up in your throat and can make you feel like you are getting the diagnosis all over again.

But when I don't compare him to anyone else but his magnificent self,  I am filled with gratefulness and pride. It wasn't that long ago that I was sitting on my kitchen floor with my dear friend Heather
 ( who happens to be a behavioral analyst who works with children with autism in Ontario ) and we must have worked for 2 hours trying to get him to sign "freezie". That is the thing about autism, without even knowing it, it makes you celebrate moments that are ordinary for everyone else, but extraordinary to you. ( he did it by the way:)

So my boy turned 5.

He has come so far. I am so very proud of him.

We celebrated his birthday with family and this year, we had a special guest. Porter's IBI tutor who we are so blessed to have in his life. She does photography on the side and agreed to come and take some pictures of his special day.  She captured him perfectly. She shared a sneak peek with us, but unfortunately they won't load up here , I'm guessing it is because I don't technically "own" the rights to these pictures yet. If you are on my FB, you can go to my profile and have a look.

In the meantime, my sister captured a few great shots with her phone. We were fortunate it was a nice day, remember that weekend when you didn't need a winter coat?



                                                                           Porter loves his swing!

                                                                         My personal favorite.....

                                                                  Ruby doo was having a great time too!

                                                 

Happy birthday my beautiful boy. I am so proud of you and can't wait to see everything you will learn in Kindergarten! You will be in the very best of hands :)

Remembering Nan

                                     Frances Mae MacNeill ( Holland)  - March 9th, 1919- March 26th, 1994


I couldn't let this day go by without a small tribute to such a fine lady, my Nan. Today marks the 20th anniversary of her death,  March 26th, 1994.

I think I have mentioned before that when we first moved back to the Island we stayed with my Nan for at least 2 years.  Nan was like a second mother to me. She and I had a special bond. She always knew just what to say and always made me feel special. I remember when I was sick I would stay with her during the day and she would give me this brass bell to ring when I needed her. And when I would ring it she would come running and say in a pretend English accent "you rang , me lady" or something close to that...I would giggle and I'm sure I must have drove her crazy ringing that bell, but she never let me know it. And she always seemed to have a fun game to play. I remember when she showed me how to make card houses using a deck of cards and I would sit on her living room floor for hours building the coolest card houses ever! Something about Nan's house made you feel better, taken care of. I can remember being in my late teens and still when I went to visit I'd get that peaceful, easy feeling as soon as I walked in the door.

Regretfully, I don't have a lot of pictures of my Nan but thought I'd share this one of Lisa and I and the story behind it , because it sums up the kind of person my Nan was.

The picture quality is poor but anyone who grew up in the 80's knows what Lisa and I are holding. Cabbage Patch Kids!! They were all the rage and they were a very hot item! After waiting what seemed like forever we finally got them! I think there was a sale on at The Met. All I remember is Mom holding the boxes out and saying " I got the last two girls"! AND we were pumped! While I stood there with a huge smile, taking in this incredible moment in my life Lisa was up and grabbed her favorite before I could say a word. Now you can't tell from the picture but my Cabbage Patch kid didn't come with those pony tails. She had short hair and as happy as I was to finally get my Cabbage Patch Kid, I kept looking at Lisa's doll and hers had this cute pony tail and I couldn't help but wish that I had picked the one with the pony tail first. Nan noticed this and said she could fix the problem. She went to her closet and just happened to have yellow yarn that matched almost perfectly to the hair on my doll's head. I can remember she spent hours in her rocking chair that night cutting and knotting each new strand of "hair" until my Cabbage Patch had two beautiful blonde pig tails! I was beyond thrilled with her new look!

That was my Nan. Always making things better.

Love and miss you,

xoxo

Avonte's Law

Had to share this update.

Change is happening.

http://www.autismspeaks.org/news/news-item/quotavonte039s-lawquot-looks-fund-tracking-devices-children-autism

Avonte Oquendo

Avonte Oquendo

1999-2013

You may or may not have heard the tragic story of Avonte Oquendo.  On October 4th this boy left his school in Long Island NY and appeared to have simply vanished without a trace. For months, his dear family and the good people of New York searched tirelessly, hanging on to the hope that he would be found alive. What made the search so desperate was that this beautiful child had severe autism and could not speak to ask for help or understand the dangers of being alone in a cold, big city. Tragically, on Jan 16th, the search came to an end as remains were found along the shoreline of the East River, 11 miles from his school. On Tuesday, DNA tests confirmed it was indeed Avonte.

I remember the day I first heard his story , I felt my heart sink as I watched the surveillance video of him leaving his school and running across the road. I never met Avonte, but I felt like I knew him. If he was anything at all like my boy, he loved to run and he didn't understand the dangers that he could face.

In the days that followed,  I found myself feeling a sense of panic but at the same time, I was filled with hope that he would be found. I watched the surveillance video over and over again.  I'm not sure why, maybe in some crazy way I thought I would see a clue that would explain where he was or perhaps I was trying to make sense of how this could happen?  I joined the facebook group (Bring Avonte Home) created by volunteers to organize searches and spread the word that he was still missing. Many of its over 20, 000 members were just like me, mothers of children of autism who felt a connection to this little boy, a boy like ours. As the days turned into weeks I found myself waking up in the middle of the night and checking the group, hoping to see that they had found him. I can honestly say that this boy took over a part of my heart. He was a boy just like mine. I watched his mother on the news and admired her strength and her faith, never wavering until the very end. A mom , just like me.

I read an article today on the FB site that compared the tragedy of Avonte Oquendo to September 11th in how this boy was able to bring a whole city together. Hundreds of volunteers gathered nightly to search, more put up his missing flier around the city and thousands shared his missing poster on social networks. The city even shut down the subway system to search every tunnel as Avonte was known to have a fascination with trains. Police were circulating the city playing a recording of Avonte's mother's voice asking him to come toward the lights as they feared he could be hiding, scared of the lights and the noises. Maybe it sounds a little crazy, but I completely agree with the comparison to 9/11. I remember the days that followed September 11th I spent my time glued to my television watching CNN and feeling this huge sense of sadness. I would see the devastation but then be moved by the story of a man who survived 5 days trapped in the rubble. Beauty through the darkness. For me, it was almost similar, only this time I would spend my evenings after the kids went to bed, googling his name for any updates or on the FB page reading the hundreds of comments from people just like me. There we were, united in our love for a boy we never met. Hoping for light in the darkness.

What makes Avonte's death so very hard to comprehend is that it simply shouldn't have happened. From what I have read he was supposed to have an aide ( US term) with him at all times as it was well known that he could wander off. I can't quote the exact details of what happened, but something went terribly wrong. Not only was he not being watched but he was able to pass a security guard twice, TWICE without being stopped. The guard later said that she thought he had run back upstairs. When they realized he was missing the school waited almost an hour before calling police and it took them almost two hours before they were able to view surveillance video which clearly showed him leaving the building. Two critical hours that could have saved his life. I am trying not to think about it because when I do, it literally makes me feel nauseous because this school sounds like it should have been safer than any school I know of. And yet, this still happened.

At times like these I try to understand why such tragic things like this happen. And there are no reasons. But even in the darkness, there is light. I believe this boy will save many lives. I believe that Avonte was a very hard lesson in autism awareness for so very many people. I know that because of Avonte , we have decided to order Porter a tracking device. You can read more about it here. Hopefully we will never need to use it but according to a recent study, over half of all children with autism will wander and bolt from safe places.  Those are very scary statistics. I believe that because of Avonte thousands of  educators will be more aware of the vulnerability of children like Avonte. I believe that because of this beautiful boy with eyes that capture your soul, there will be change. 

Rest in peace sweet angel. I hope you are running through endless fields, your voice no longer trapped inside you.

If you would like to sign a petition that was created in honor of Avonte that would allow an amber alert to be issued for vulnerable children and adults like Avonte, please click here.

Pat Sajak and PB & J Sandwiches!

I'm not sure if anyone remembers, but I said that each year I was going to try and post a special memory about my Mom and Dad on the anniversary of their deaths. Hard to believe it has been 8 years since my mom left this Earth. But it has.

I can remember being in grade 5 or 6 and living in the trailer park a hop -skip- and -a -jump away from my elementary school ( how funny that I would grow up to teach in that very school.)

But as I was saying, I lived very close to school and some days I can remember going home to have lunch with my mom. It wasn't anything fancy, usually a peanut butter and jam sandwich, but we would always sit and watch Wheel of Fortune while we ate. It seems funny now, that I would be such a huge fan at my age, but I would get a quarter for every puzzle I answered first and I loved the challenge! I can remember being so proud of myself when I would win. My mom always told me that I was really good and should go on the show when I got older. (It is on my bucket list, I hope to get there someday!)  But it wouldn't be near as much fun now that you just win money. Back in my day you got to choose from a variety of luxury items! I can remember my mom saying "oooh, I'd definitely get that new couch and loveseat and that bedroom set !" I wonder what my teachers thought when I would come bouncing back to school announcing that  "I just won 50 cents playing Wheel of Fortune!"

Love you Mom, I cherish the good memories always. xo

Merry Christmas! ( Yes, I know I'm a little late:)

Another joyous festivus season is behind us ( those of you who are not Seinfeld fans won't get that). No, I really do love Christmas, most of it. I love being an Elementary School teacher at Christmas. Yes, they're excited , hard to focus and you can pretty much throw your lesson plans out the window...but to be part of that excitement is pretty amazing. The innocence is quite beautiful really.

Here at home, Christmas brings with it a mixed bag of emotions. It always has and maybe it always will...and that's okay.

This year, my uncle Leroy passed away less than a week before Christmas. I felt so sad for my dear Grammy who lost yet another son, way too early. I did have many signs that our loved ones live on beyond this Earth, including finding an old Christmas card from my Dad on the very morning of my Uncle's funeral. Yep, that happened, two days before Christmas.  Also, I received a gift that felt like in some way was from my Dad. It really made me feel his presence on Christmas Day ( thank you Aunt Gail:). And if you pay attention to signs and are really open to them, you will find them everywhere. Like this one:

Porter was OBSESSED with these ornaments this year. They are so very precious to me and apparently, him as well.  I believe my Aunt Lynda made these ornaments in the early 80's for everyone in my mom's family. They were always on our Christmas tree growing up and when Mom passed away I asked Lisa if she minded if I took Mom's bell. They always make me happy/sad when I put them on the tree. But this year, Porter took a real liking to them. He was forever walking around with both of them, banging them together as if he was making them chime. He even cuddled with them on his favorite chair. Mom is always here, I know she is.

       Seriously look at that face, pure joy! Hard not to find some Christmas spirit looking at that sweet smile!


But honestly, Porter could care less about Christmas. In fact, give him a popsicle and those bells and Santa could come everyday! It makes me happy/sad. ( I guess I'm making that a word, maybe I should put a hyphen instead, happy-sad...hmmm) Ok, back to Christmas. He just doesn't get what all the excitement is about, he really doesn't.  When we sit, anxiously awaiting that burst of excitement when he opens a gift and it doesn't come, it is sad. It makes me sad. Sometimes I feel like autism has stolen so much more than his voice.

But he did enjoy a couple gifts this year. Santa brought him this play mat to drive all his cars and trains around. Not that long ago he would have wrapped it over his body and used it as a blanket. Christmas day he knew just what to do. Progress!

Miss Ruby is just starting to see what the fuss is all about. She was pretty excited when Santa brought her a crib for her baby and a sweet little baby carrier. Wow, Santa sure does know what Ruby likes!

                   She just loves her baby! It's so funny listening to her talk to her baby and be her "mom".


Later that day, we hosted all the Richard's here for Christmas. Luckily Mark's mom did most of the work because I know this may come as a shock, but I'm not really that much of a chef! But it really was great seeing everyone and not having to worry about what my kids were into, wait let me rephrase that, it was nice knowing that whatever mess they made was in our house, they're always into something:) Here are a few pics:

                                                     Barb, taking over my kitchen..thank God! :)

                                                       Yummy! Everyone enjoying a beautiful meal.

                                          
                                                         I wonder what was on TV?? And why is everyone standing? haha



        All in all , it really was a lovely Christmas. Just happy-sad. More happy though, definitely. I hope all of you reading had a lovely Christmas too! Here's hoping 2014 is good to you!

xo