Avonte Oquendo
1999-2013
You may or may not have heard the tragic story of Avonte Oquendo. On October 4th this boy left his school in Long Island NY and appeared to have simply vanished without a trace. For months, his dear family and the good people of New York searched tirelessly, hanging on to the hope that he would be found alive. What made the search so desperate was that this beautiful child had severe autism and could not speak to ask for help or understand the dangers of being alone in a cold, big city. Tragically, on Jan 16th, the search came to an end as remains were found along the shoreline of the East River, 11 miles from his school. On Tuesday, DNA tests confirmed it was indeed Avonte.
I remember the day I first heard his story , I felt my heart sink as I watched the surveillance video of him leaving his school and running across the road. I never met Avonte, but I felt like I knew him. If he was anything at all like my boy, he loved to run and he didn't understand the dangers that he could face.
In the days that followed, I found myself feeling a sense of panic but at the same time, I was filled with hope that he would be found. I watched the surveillance video over and over again. I'm not sure why, maybe in some crazy way I thought I would see a clue that would explain where he was or perhaps I was trying to make sense of how this could happen? I joined the facebook group (Bring Avonte Home) created by volunteers to organize searches and spread the word that he was still missing. Many of its over 20, 000 members were just like me, mothers of children of autism who felt a connection to this little boy, a boy like ours. As the days turned into weeks I found myself waking up in the middle of the night and checking the group, hoping to see that they had found him. I can honestly say that this boy took over a part of my heart. He was a boy just like mine. I watched his mother on the news and admired her strength and her faith, never wavering until the very end. A mom , just like me.
I read an article today on the FB site that compared the tragedy of Avonte Oquendo to September 11th in how this boy was able to bring a whole city together. Hundreds of volunteers gathered nightly to search, more put up his missing flier around the city and thousands shared his missing poster on social networks. The city even shut down the subway system to search every tunnel as Avonte was known to have a fascination with trains. Police were circulating the city playing a recording of Avonte's mother's voice asking him to come toward the lights as they feared he could be hiding, scared of the lights and the noises. Maybe it sounds a little crazy, but I completely agree with the comparison to 9/11. I remember the days that followed September 11th I spent my time glued to my television watching CNN and feeling this huge sense of sadness. I would see the devastation but then be moved by the story of a man who survived 5 days trapped in the rubble. Beauty through the darkness. For me, it was almost similar, only this time I would spend my evenings after the kids went to bed, googling his name for any updates or on the FB page reading the hundreds of comments from people just like me. There we were, united in our love for a boy we never met. Hoping for light in the darkness.
What makes Avonte's death so very hard to comprehend is that it simply shouldn't have happened. From what I have read he was supposed to have an aide ( US term) with him at all times as it was well known that he could wander off. I can't quote the exact details of what happened, but something went terribly wrong. Not only was he not being watched but he was able to pass a security guard twice, TWICE without being stopped. The guard later said that she thought he had run back upstairs. When they realized he was missing the school waited almost an hour before calling police and it took them almost two hours before they were able to view surveillance video which clearly showed him leaving the building. Two critical hours that could have saved his life. I am trying not to think about it because when I do, it literally makes me feel nauseous because this school sounds like it should have been safer than any school I know of. And yet, this still happened.
At times like these I try to understand why such tragic things like this happen. And there are no reasons. But even in the darkness, there is light. I believe this boy will save many lives. I believe that Avonte was a very hard lesson in autism awareness for so very many people. I know that because of Avonte , we have decided to order Porter a tracking device. You can read more about it here. Hopefully we will never need to use it but according to a recent study, over half of all children with autism will wander and bolt from safe places. Those are very scary statistics. I believe that because of Avonte thousands of educators will be more aware of the vulnerability of children like Avonte. I believe that because of this beautiful boy with eyes that capture your soul, there will be change.
Rest in peace sweet angel. I hope you are running through endless fields, your voice no longer trapped inside you.
If you would like to sign a petition that was created in honor of Avonte that would allow an amber alert to be issued for vulnerable children and adults like Avonte, please click here.
